OMG...now only i realize..very lucky indeed

Thank god. I'm not lucky but I'm blessed. And I never knew it. But one thing for sure is that everything happened for purpose even if i don't want it to be in that way. I'm glad i have never doubt about this fact. ^_^ Today god answered my prayer again. I asked him why i can get what i want especially when it comes to love, relationship. I asked him why is it when i like someone, that person will have someone else or reject me?why is it when only i appeared in that person life, he found someone he like? The answer is because that person is not for me and that like feeling i have was just due to the happiness and comfort that i found in the moment when i was lonely..ehheheheeh...thank god for he love me and did not let me fall into this trap of life. I'm so relieve now, very grateful and ashamed of myself for acting like a kid, rush in things and for unable to get control of myself, my desired. Something i need to pray for. ^_^

past totally a past

I could not recap the exact date, but what I'm 100% sure of is that it is totally a past for me. Hell yeah I'm so happy that i manage to get out of the chain. Chain that chained me for half years. But felt like ages though. Thanks to St.Francis Assisi, for it has been the place where i find the source and courage. Most of all is the answer that i have been searching since i can't even know when. ahhahahaha....this experience totally give me a big lesson to learn and remember always. For now, I'm happy for what is happening in my life for who i am, to be able to smile even when I'm alone, to even to talk to myself and most of all to smile to everyone and anytime even when the situation is not at the best. ^_^ I'm so generous with my smile now...ahhahaha

Finally i have time to write...gonna post out few tonight..

Halo world...currently I'm in Singapore doing my internship. A final path before i get a piece of paper that will make me a different person at least in term of my status. hahahahahha... life was busy here, don't even have time to write anytime since i was here 4 weeks ago. Came back from work with a tired body, mind and soul. All i could think is to sleep and need to wake up early as early as 4 am. However, i love the city, i love the garden and i love the people i work with especially the bangla. They are so good in work though a tiny group (1%) of them have the intention to bully new people like me. But lucky me because i handled the situation well. One thing very obvious changing in me is my skin tone. Just in a day, i can say half day, i get sunburn. Now i look almost like a person that i don't even recognize myself. Fair skin gone. Hopefully i can recover before my convocation this November. I'm super duper excited about it. And whenever i felt of giving up in my internship especially when facing the hard time, only graduation makes me full of spirit and to keep moving. Well i believe that is one of god's work in me. I only need HIM in my life, having HIM in me, I will get everything i need even to the human it is impossible, because nothing is impossible in GOD's eyes. ^_^

when it is too much..

ngehngehngeh...today gonna make history...goodbye stupidity..welcome wise and ambition...it has been too long, and it has also been shut long ago, but because of the stupid inlove attitude, blind by the self-naive, it has been dragged this long. BUt now it is time to do what i have should been doing at the beginning. SOrry for being cruel, but u have make this lady learned in a hard way...god bless

SIngapore..i'm inlove with YOU!!

Finally we are here. SO far so good..and i love this country..so peaceful, so beautiful and so clean..most of all the people are so friendly..there is no racist situation here..gosh..i love this place very muchy...if i'm given a chance to choose place to stay on, i would definately choose singapore..haahahaha..food is everywhere..and its cheap eventhough it is in singapore dollar. worthy to buy. price is affortable and the portion is big..i will enjoy these 3 months wisely...xoxoxoxo

I already start to feel the mising feeling...sobsobsob

I can't believe that it has come to the end..huhuhu...time running so fast..it feels like it was just yesterday..started to miss my dearest....i bet everyone is feeling sad inside too...being separating with one another is not an easy thing, it is the most sadness thing..huhuhu...I hate to say goodbye and i don't want to say goodbye... T_T

A moment of stress..trouble but you don't know the way out

There is a moment that you are in a big problem but no one is there to help you out or even can help you out. Even your parent would not able to give a hand to help you out. That's where you realize god was true all this while when he said that even a mother will sometime neglect her child but god never left you alone. I believe this is the moment that cause those end up with suicide. People might not understand what they gone through but i believe i do understand better now. Usually we will never know why a person choose to suicide, we only not to judge them, being prejudice. But when we in the same condition then we realize the fact. Sometime we just have to put our self in their shoes to understand..

Something that i have been thinking and doing..but the devil always try to fail me

If you love something, set it free. If it returns, it is yours. If you hang on to the status quo or to a person because you fear being alone again, you may not realize you are already isolated or backed up against a wall with no way out except to change immediately. Are you restricting yourself or using your once-treasured tokens to construct an empty shell that may no longer offer luxury, security or comfort? Money can't buy happiness and you can't take it with you when you go. With the proper incentive, you can bargain your way out of the relationship dog house if you let go of some of your stubborn pride and accept the consequences

All i wanted is someone to here me out, to give just a little attention

Why is it so hard to just have someone to give a little attention to me?Just listen to what i want to say. huhuhuhu..I'm not OK at all. But seeing people busy with their life, so happy, so stress, i have to just ignore my sadness. Dear blog I'm sorry because I'm going to burden you with my feeling. I'm so unstable emotionally. I wish this month pass by soon. I wish there is an angel coming to help me out. So many things to fight of, and i don't have the strength at all now. But i don't want to be carry away with it also....Guardian angel where are you? help me will you..

suddenly i realize...

Gosh..I'm just a place for you to dump your hectic boring stress life, whenever something happened in your life you come and talk, but when you so happy with your life and dearest, you talk and behave as if im not a human..crappppp..i shud notice this. Bro i'm not friend for benefit or whatever you consider me as..byeeeeeeee...

Breath in Breath out...that is the way of doing

The starting is always the hardest part. I'm just about to start, and that's where the temptation try to fail me. I really wanna do this and hope to do my very best this time. I really wann give all out, focus and give full hearted effort on. This year a lot of remarkeable things had happened. It was so amazing to see god's work and HIS timing was so good. HE let his plan happen just at the right time, right place and for the rigth purpose. Yesterday was my last mass in sacred heart. That church really had given me a lot of changes. I really gonna miss everything. Especially this year just right before i'm turning 24 years old, god has called for me in his personal way. Words cannot be used to describe the joy, peace and everything he has done. Praise the lord for everything. I hope i will journey this better than i ever did. For HIS sake and the sake of human kind. ^_^

Officially im declaring my self as a really weirdo!!

^_^ Yes I'm a weirdo young lady. One moment i might be very upset, so down, so depressed. Another moment you will see a young lady full with new spirit, motivated, positive thinker and a young lady with faith in her. Funny but that's me, and it all happen because of the grace my FATHER gave me. Thank you very much GOD for your love and mercy. I'm totally nothing without you.

You gave me a Heart,

Make it as a whole,

Put it together,

One soul and mind,

Then undivided Heart,

I will worship in joyful fear.

Love, Faith, Hope

A new spirit a new way..

Yesterday was terrible. I was acted so badly. Should not have been that way. Mag that i know didn't think that way. Almost letting herself drown by the situation, alomost losing herself. Thank god for HE is full of love and mercy. I knew that i can always count on HIM whenever i'm losing my track, whenever i'm drowning, because HE is my father. May is the month to honour the mother of christ. In directly she is my mother too because when christ on the cross he has given his mother to those who believes. Things happen for purpose. Even what happen now is already written in his plan. As the daughter of the almight and mother mary, i should take this challenge of life. I should not be afraid to go through the suffering, eventhough it really hurts me and torned my heart into pieces. I should imitate mother mary in my life especially now this month, when this is the month to honour her sacrifieces, her patient. I should as well imitate christ my saviour as he never give up or even run away from the suffering is been put in.

There is one thing that i have always believe in, and temptation and my self pity has always make me doubt about my own belief.. "If it is already ready in HEAVEN, in HIS PLAN that thing should be as the way it is, then it will happen that way, If two person are made to be with each other, no matter how far, no matter what happen now, one day god will reunite you with the love that he has send from above. Have faith in HIM"

Where should i go and What should i do??

What i have thought of all this while was true. What should i do to myself now? How should i? I'm confuse..It's hard, It's hurt, and it does make me cry..I desperately need help!!! ;(

When i can only ponder inside

Dear god, I know you are the only person who know how i feel at this moment? To others i can hide so many things but to you none can i. Today with my sister permission, i open her fb just to find out about something from there. And to my surprise i found out a lot. yes i felt sad, very. I wanted to cry, but all i can do is just to let the tears run out inside me. To know the truth is what i have always hunger for but to know that what you have sensed coming before really just the way it is, hurting so much. Even worse when the moment you sensed it, you seek for the answer directly from that person but that person just denied it. How much will it hurt if you just tell the person the truth when you were asked to?Why have to wait till the person found out by herself? The truth that people do not really know about the truth is that when the person himself found out the truth by himself and knowing that the thing he asked for assurance before was the truth that the person denied and hidden it. That's hurt the most. I don't know how long and how much can i get again from this. And to know the reason for what happening, even worse. Thanks for everything, i really get a lot from you..

Oh dear....

Damn I miss my long hair very much

Dear hair please grow a little bit faster

Cause I want you to be longer

You are my soul, when you were cut of

A part of me was gone

I miss you a lot!! ^_^

Tick Tock Tick Tock...April has come to the end ^_^

Can't believe that today is the last day of April. Tomorrow a new month is opening its way, a new journey of life will be written down by everyone. As for me, this month was full of blast. April is a month of Awesomeness. A lot of wonderful memories were captured through out the month. I'm sure i will miss each of them. I'm sure there is time where i will not remember anything about it but i know i can always refresh my memory back reading my blog. ^_^

The beginning of the month, things already started to show that throughout the month there will be more joy to come. Indeed, it was true. I have a lot of fun times in this month with wonderful friends especially my awesome, wonderful girlfriends. I bet everyone else also having as much fun as we did. However, sadness never escape. So did our life, sadness never failed to drop by to say hi and stay for awhile. As time goes by, everyone in the school of my batch realize that there is not much time left to spend with each and everyone. Everyone is aware that the day we will have to say goodbye to each other is approaching us without we want to. It is a sad thing. For four years we learn, play and work together, we get to know each other better, we get to see the good and the bad side, there were even times when we quarrel, fighting and hates each other. But i believe in this month, all of that hardness, sadness, hatred are gone for good when everyone realize that deep in their heart there is love for friends growing despite all that has happened. It just that everyone was busy letting their ego controlling them, letting anger to control them. But the love of friendship has finally win the battle of hatred. That is when everyone start to ponder in their heart, sad to leave one another, wishing there is more time to spend time with one another. Believe me, i felt that too. I hope it wasn't too late to realize how much each and everyone in the class affecting our life. We learn from one another, we help one another, we care for one another though there is time we acted we are not. It's normal though cause we are just a human with our self pride and ego. I gonna miss you all, I hope no matter what happen, wherever we are, we will still be friends forever. Love you all..xoxoxoxo

Getting my Deeds done one at a time

hohoho...So many things to do, to think..but i'm trying hard to just think of my FYP correction now although there is other thing that i need to settle soon too. for now to make my self in stress will only cause my work undone..by the way, why did the rain stop?the weather is damn hot, feels so uneasy now. whatever it is, i must and need to stay focus. Don't be shock if you will see posts from me so soon and a lot today. It just that i found it is way easy to let out everything in my thought. The best part of it, i don't even have to think about it. soon i write it out, soon i ignore it. Saving my time, mind and soul from tortures.. ^_^

Something i don't understand

All i wanted to know is WHY?why have to be like this?and why i'm still in this?I don't ask for this?WHY ME?am i that easy to be fooled?i'm just a human. I don't have any supernatural power to overcome this nor to change this. I wish i could escape from this. But it seem i'm forever stuck in this. People said as time goes by, everything will be ok, everything will heal, you will be able to forget and be ok again. BUt now i would like to say that time change nothing at all. Even as time goes, it is still will be there. It is not time that heal, it is not time that change things making it better. BUt you and me, we, us...When i'm in silent, didn't even argue back on something that you know it will hurts me, doesn't mean i don't know, i don't care. It just that i realize there is nothing i can do about it other than to accept it as a will from god for me. I don't know what would you think or say of me, even if it all bad one, it is ok for me, i will just accept it even it is not true at all. FOr me now it is ok if you don't know the truth behind everything about me, it's ok if because of what you think that make you hate, because i know there is one person knows me better. Nothing escape from his view, every single detail of it he knows. I will not stand there arguing with you and fight for my right but i will just stand there and ponder in my heart accepting everything. Because I don't want to argue with you or anyone anymore. To have myself alone hurt is better that to have everyone hurt. Arguement will always end up with pain. One day the truth will come out by itself..cause we all have a saviour that will stand for us. there is no need for us to be affraid of what others will think about us, there is no need to fight hard enough to make our self clear. Believe it or not, we will never be able to make so, we will only causing the arguement worse.

The story of sweet lover plum green tea...

Don't Promise to me that you will love me forever.
Don't Promise to me that i will be the only one.
Don't Promise to me that you will never able find replacement for me.
Don't Promise to me that you will never forget me.
Don't Promise to me that you will always remember me in your prayer.
Don't Promise to me that you will not stop to love me.
Don't Promise to me that I'm the one.
Don't Promise to me that you will not hurting my feeling.
Don't Promise to me that you will not leave me alone.
Don't Promise to me that if the person is not me you married with, you rather be someone else.
Don't Promise to me that you will wait for me no matter how long.
Don't Promise to me that you will mark your words and promises.
Don't Promise to me that you will not repeat the same mistakes.
Don't Promise to me that you will tell me everything.
Don't Promise to me that you will never give up on me.
MOST of ALL....
Don't ever Promise to me that you will go through this with me.
Because it really breaks my heart the most when you are not around when i needed you the most. You said to me, you will journey this hard times together with me, but all you do is running away from me. And all i can do is just to ponder inside. Holding myself together. It is not because what you did, the fault you did, did cheat and lies that hurts me the most. BUT those promises of yours hurt me. I have told you before don't promise me anything because for now you might able hold tight to those promises. BUt when bad things come, all of this will just be another sweet talk, sweet words of yours. BUT you wouldn't want to listen, you even asked me to trust me and just wait and see. AND now i am seeing that your promises are just sweet words of yours. You said you will love me forever and will not stop to love me BUT now you already hate me very much. You said you will never able find my replacement, BUT a month after break up you already with someone new. You said you will never give up on me, BUT as thing get worst, you leave me alone. I trust you very much and you know it is not easy for me to trust anyone. BUT you just smash the trust like it is something useless for you. You asked me to give in, to love you more, to trust you, You even blame me, find fault in me, saying i hurt you, saying that i don't love you because i said so, saying that i treated you bad. You even said that i have lost the person who love me very much, truly love me. AND i didn't see that person when we are together. ANd to that person, I would want to say that you only love me when i'm in my best. BUt as i'm at my worst, you no longer inlove with me. I once ever asked you, HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE ME? You said a lot, with whole your heart. BUT now, where are you? Where is that love? All gone, VANISH!! And its officially declare when you be with someone else, inlove with her because you no longer want to wait and stay strong for the love that you said it was a true pure love from your heart for me. The climax of the story is when you said to me, I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE, I LOVE SOMEONE ELSE and I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU ANYMORE. NOT for ONCE, NOT TWICE, BUT more than that, again and again...
To that person, I only HAVE 3 questions that i ever wanted to ask you since the day you are gone; DO YOU EVER MISS ME? DO YOU EVEN THINK OR WONDERING OF ME EVEN A SECOND? lastly DOES THAT LOVE YOU HAVE FOR ME REALLY VANISH?... i know i will never get any answers. BUT i know god will tell me one day. AND to that person I would want to say this :
"You don't have to ask me how much i love you, there is no need for you to give more to make me stay inlove with you. DO not ask me what can i give to you, Do not even ask me to give in. Because ON the DAY i said I DO, I meant it with all my heart. Because ON the DAY i said I LOVE YOU and YOU ARE THE ONE SENT FROM ABOVE FOR ME, that YOU ARE THE ONE I PRAYED FOR, IT is in fact the truth from me that never die. THE only thing you should always trust in me is when i said i love you and you the one i want to spend the rest of my life with. Because i was telling something that i can't say to anyone else but you. AND to that person, i want to answer a question of yours that you ever asked me before..my answer is, never even a second that you are not in my mind and heart"..and for another question of yours, my answer is...YES I DO, even NOW, it has never change since the rosary night" 

P/S: I LOVE YOU 

Flashback...that was its all about today...

Every where, almost everyone is talking about love. The ironic thing is i found new thinking towards love. Not a good one i bet cause some argued with me. Well thats my opinion from my experience. LOVE? One letter with a thousand meaning. One letter that can cause hurt so much in one life. Such a powerful word isn't? Some say love is a wonderful thing but to some it cause a long lasting pain. For me, there are two main sources of LOVE. One is from GOD. and one is from this earthly life. Both have significant effects towards human living, towards me and you. One lead you to endless happiness but one lead you to the wrong direction. and most of the time, it leads you to sorrow. Before this, i do believe in love. I do believe that there is true love, love at 1st sight. But now i don't believe any of that. Human love is vanity. It is not as pure as God's love for us. A person can always say he loves you with whole of his heart. But when you at your worst, that love fade slowly. When trouble comes, he choose to run away and finding new love to comfort him. Then when things back to normal, he is there for you again. For me, this kind of love only lies within the word. It is a sad thing to have this kind of love. I believe none would want to experience it. But thats the reality of life. So lets just find love in god, for he has always love us, no matter who we are, what we did, even when we left him, hurting him, he never stop loving us. Because his love for us is unconditional. Stop searching for earthly love, it won't last any longer. One day we all gonna leave this world, so do earthly love.

A comeback i called?

Halo world....finally i'm back again here. Starting from zero. Well past meant to be left behind or else future would never come. ^_^ Lets see...where should i start this first..maybe on the reason of my return perhaps. or reason i left this for quite sometime. which ever it is, soon or later i will say it out..ahahhahaha....lets begin my journey... cheers